You are my child, without a doubt

Dear Daughter,

There is never a doubt in my mind that the apple does not fall far from the tree, and it makes me laugh, a lot. I know the thought that you are so much like me might make you ill, however, it is pure entertainment for me.

You see, not many 13 year old females can actively discuss why Prokofiev is repetitive, or get giddy when Bernstein comes up on Pandora. Or, for that matter, discuss the relevance of Greek Mythology in the modern age. Oh, wait, I used to think about those things, but unlike you, I did not have a mother that listened or cared. That is why I laugh, it is fun for me, I selfishly adore every second of you ridiculous banter on why you hate Rossini or why Norse mythology is not as much fun as Celtic.

I adore that you enjoy vintage clothes, I used to, and I also know how silly it can make you look, which  is why I stop you sometimes from leaving the house in whatever crazy get-up you have on. It is not because I am trying to stifle you, but protect you. Of course your beautiful body can wear anything and make it look good, and you also have the ability to carry yourself with such confidence!!

You are my child and I love you, I hope, though I can spare you some of the heartache I experienced. I also know, you need to experience the pain and sorrow to appreciate the joy. We have so many years left on our journey as mother and child, it gives me peace to know that if you are like me, you will be happy and much blessed.

Love,

Mom

Oh, the pretty things

Dear Daughter,

It has been quite a fall. You started pointe, your life long dream and you danced Nutcracker. Both were wonderful and difficult, you endured so much, physically and emotionally.

You also lost your grandmother, my mother, on Halloween. She loved you so much, she would have been so happy to see you dance, to sing and to soar. But, alas, she was called home to God. You sang so beautifully at her funeral.

Your dad also lost his job this fall. That has been stressful for us and ultimately is the subject of my writing.

Dear child, we make so many sacrifices for you. There is no logical way that we pay for ballet. It simply doesn’t even make sense how or why, but we do, and we give up things along the way. Please understand then, why it broke my heart that you complained about your new very expensive pointe shoes that were your Christmas gift. I worked a month of Sundays, including Christmas morning, to pay for them. I wanted you to be happy, to be delighted, but instead, you were upset.

My work is not fun or glamorous. Many mornings, I cry while I scrub floors, because I would rather be with you and your brothers, teaching you, but I have given that up so you can dance. I know you may never realize it, but please just be a little appreciative. I know the girls you dance with are given life on a silver platter, and your life is on a chipped thrift store plate. We try, we really do, but our lot in life is to work and sacrifice. We named you after a saint of poverty, it is time to model her a bit.

Love,

Mom

The Summer of Discontent

Dear Daughter,

I know you are very disappointed right now, you had been hoping for this for a while, practicing, working, and preparing, but then, unplanned distractions got in the way. You succumbed to stress, worry and anxiety. Because of that, things didn’t go the way you planned them.

You can handle this one of two ways, you can pout forever, be bitter, and never grow, or, you can take this as a lesson. The lesson being sometimes things happen in life that get in the way of our plans, but no matter, God has great things in store for us despite the circumstances may not be what we had hoped for. I’m not going to tell you, “There is next year”. You know that, and even though it is true, telling you will only add insult to injury.

You are 13, you have so much life ahead of you. Do not let this one disappointment, or this whole summer full of them defeat you. You are strong, wise and feisty. Pick up the pieces and build something better!

Love, Mom

13 years, 2 months–The Beginning

Dear Daughter,

It has been quite a journey to this point. The last 2 months alone have been an adventure. You’ve shown grace, patience, temper and fury. You’ve had your heart broken, your hopes crushed, and you’ve been given new beginnings. You’ve been on stage performing for hundreds, and you’ve been asked to perform for just one, all the while saving the best for us.

I have so many hopes for you, so many dreams and as you know far too many questions. You hate my questions. But, I’m never going to stop asking them, no matter how far your eyes roll, or how often you look like lasers will shoot out of your eyes. And, if you think I’m weird now, just wait, it will only get worse as I try to infuse humor into your sometimes stressful experiences.

I’m going to try to record as much of it as I can, not that you will like that, but sometimes, there are things I want to say, but can’t or you won’t let me. Maybe some day, you’ll read this. Even if you don’t, I will do my best to respect you.

Love,

Mom